The birds are chirping, the flowers are blooming, the air is warming. The snow and frost have melted away. And with the emergence of spring comes a perhaps even more important season; tax season. The moment every American adult readies for, when a percentage of their income is collected and used for the betterment of society. Taxes are the reason we have education for our children, workers to fix potholes, a police system, and even welfare services. Paying your taxes is your contribution to your community, helping to provide funding that will ultimately benefit you and the people you love.
All that to say, it’s time to do your taxes. Or not, given, you came here to attempt tax evasion. You’re disgruntled. It’s not fair that you have to pay higher percentages in taxes when you’re the one providing wealth and jobs in your society. Of course, you must be a millionaire. Billionaire, perhaps, if you want to give yourself that much credit. Maybe you’re self-made, maybe not. Don’t worry; we don’t discriminate. The only requirement to get away with tax evasion here is the amount of money in your pocket. Of course, it’s not a necessity to be rich, but it definitely helps. That’s why the wealthiest people in America are responsible for the highest share of tax evasion. When you’re at the top, you need to know all the loopholes that keep you profiting at the expense of the average taxpayer. But don’t get too excited yet. There are still a few more rules. Rich people don’t evade $150 million a year in taxes just by doing nothing.
First, under-report your income. Of course, you could always refuse to file your tax returns. It has worked out for some, like the almost 1,000 millionaires the IRS found to owe a collective $34 billion in tax money. But by under-reporting, you maintain your clean reputation while lying about the amount of money you make. As your own boss, no third-party report by an employer can stop you. You might not even necessarily have to lie. For example, many billionaires refuse to take paychecks. As the CEO of Tesla, Elon Musk doesn’t take a salary. Mark Zuckerberg’s salary is only around $80,000.
But then how do they make their money while avoiding taxes? This leads us to the second rule: take your pay in stocks. Profit from tax evasion tends to rely on wealth that can’t be formally taxed or tracked by the IRS. Stocks aren’t taxed until they’re sold, providing a stable source of “income” for the rich. Sometimes though, it’s not always about making money. You need to keep the wealth you already have safe from being taxed.
That leads into the final rule: purchase assets that can act as a placeholder for your money. In other words; buy, buy, buy. For example, you can keep offshore assets, or wealth in foreign countries. A bank account here, an expensive summer home there; all things you can conveniently forget to mention on your tax returns or audits. Let’s say you want to keep it local. No problem. Maybe splurge and get that $6 million artwork of a duct-taped banana your kids have been asking for. Treat yourself to a relaxing game of golf. Or the entire golf course itself. If you’re lucky, you can even pass it off as a business purchase to get a tax deduction. And all the while, you’ll be raking in the money without an ounce of consequence.
So congratulations. This country is crippling with economic disparity, millions of families are living paycheck-to-paycheck, and many cities and towns remain improperly funded. But you, with millions of dollars to your name and control over the majority of American wealth and power, have successfully evaded your taxes. You deserve it, right? After all, the world is your oyster. Just make sure not to tell the auditors about the pearl inside.
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Sources:
https://www.finance.senate.gov/chairmans-news/finance-chair-wyden-reveals-shocking-new-data-about-wealthy-individuals-who-have-failed-to-file-tax-returns-nearly-1000-millionaires-have-not-filed-returns-and-owe-estimated-34-billion-in-taxes-few-wealthy-non-filers-are-prosecutedhttps://www.cnbc.com/2024/02/22/tax-evasion-by-wealthiest-americans-tops-150-billion-a-year-irs.htmlhttps://smartasset.com/taxes/what-are-income-taxeshttps://apps.irs.gov/app/understandingTaxes/teacher/whys_thm01_les01.jsp#:~:text=Taxes%20provide%20revenue%20for%20federal,services%20very%20effectively%20for%20themselves.https://www.cnbc.com/2024/02/22/tax-evasion-by-wealthiest-americans-tops-150-billion-a-year-irs.htmlhttps://www.finance.senate.gov/chairmans-news/finance-chair-wyden-reveals-shocking-new-data-about-wealthy-individuals-who-have-failed-to-file-tax-returns-nearly-1000-millionaires-have-not-filed-returns-and-owe-estimated-34-billion-in-taxes-few-wealthy-non-filers-are-prosecutedhttps://info.homeworksolutions.com/blog/how-does-the-irs-find-out-about-under-reported-incomehttps://www.vox.com/money/2024/3/13/24086102/billionaires-wealthy-tax-avoidance-loopholeshttps://siepr.stanford.edu/publications/policy-brief/tax-avoidance-tophttps://www.lse.ac.uk/research/research-for-the-world/economics/sophisticated-tax-evasion-by-the-super-rich
